Romantic LOVE. The final frontier. Even if everything else fails: businesses, friendships, hopes, dreams, careers, we’ll always have Romantic Love. The singularity point, the magic potion that will cure everything.
We grew up with this thinking deeply engrained in our brains. Most stories tell it so: after all the struggles, the boy gets the girl. After all the waiting, the girl gets the boy. And they live happily ever after.
Romantic Love is now one of the biggest obsessions in the world at this point.
If LOVE cures it all why are most love relationships deeply troubled?
– What are you talking?
– My relationship is amazing.
– Really? You don’t have subtle or direct fights over power, control? You don’t get jealous when your boy or gal goes out with new friends in a new place? Isn’t anything that upsets you or make you go crazy at your partner? Don’t you sometimes feel that he or she “doesn’t get you”?
– Oh, yes I do. But that’s normal in a “healthy relationship”.
– The so perpetual conflict between two lovers is normal for a “happy relationship”?
People have problems when they are alone. People have problems when they are in a relationship. So whatever you chose you’re still f*cked in the end? How crazy is that? Isn’t there a third option available?
The PERFECT love relationship? The sad part is that there isn’t one perfect or happy love relationship on the face of the earth. We’ve all been lied. No relationship will make us happy on the long run.
No relationship will cure all our insecurities, complexes, problems and struggles. The stories do have some truth: after you fight the monsters you will get a better relationship. But not a perfect one. Not the happily ever after one. That’s bullshit. We all have a big stream of demons inside us.
The more we kill or overcome, the better will be our relationships. We’ll have better relationships and a better life. Then life will serve us a new challenge so that we can become even stronger.
People like to believe this perfect love bullshit story because they’re lazy. Think about it. If you find the perfect partner and the perfect love and you’re 100% fulfilled, then you don’t have to struggle anymore. Right? You don’t have to change yourself, to face your darkest trolls and to go trough your personal, custom hell.
You just found that thing that solves it all. That girl. That boy. The perfect solution for all the problems. The fast and easy route to life and personal evolution.
It’s an amazing promise. Except that it’s completely false. After one month or 3 years that crazy biological LOVE will go away. And you will feel the pain again, and you’ll see all the problems coming back. Only this time a lot of them will come trough your partner. WOO! How crazy is this? Is life playing us? Who is he? Who is she?
Let’s get rid of this crazy bitch or lame guy who doesn’t get me. Let’s search for the real deal. Oh yeah, I found it in the club two months later. And what happened? It was amazing. For six months. Then everything fell apart again. This one wasn’t better either. Just half a man. Let’s change the club and search for a Real MAN. My perfect match. Except that it doesn’t exist.
You may be asking yourself why I’m so negative. Why Do I tear apart the Disney perspective on relationships? Am I just a dumped, frustrated guy?
I’m just observing things as they are. It’s disturbing. But it’s true.
So what’s the alternative? Just to be alone, sad and frustrated? Or get into relationships knowing that we’re going to get screwed every single time?
Fortunately, there is a third way. Change your perspective on love relationships. A perfect relationship needs two perfect people. A happy relationship needs two happy people. A peaceful relationship needs two peaceful people. A relationship without problems requires two people without problems.
How does your inner world look? That’s how your relationships will look. Everything starts and ends with you. So don’t be obsessed with love or the perfect partner anymore. Shift the focus to yourself.
I’m sad to bring you the bad news, but there’s no magic pill available to fix life for you. You need to go trough challenges. To fight your demons. To overcome your fears. To make room for love, peace, and satisfaction into your life.
It’s no easy job. It’s not something you can get done in 2 weeks. Or two years. It will take a portion of your time and energy for the rest of your life.
It sounds depressing when you hear it first. But think about the alternative: you spent 1, 2, 5 or 20 years of your life focused on your partners. You dedicated massive amounts of energy, time, money and focus and you didn’t get any permanent solution.
What if you started to work on yourself 2, 5 or 20 years ago? How will your life look today? What kind of relationship would you experience? Clearly a much better one.
So until you’re perfect, you just need to be alone? No. Continue with your life, your relationships or dating. Just don’t expect them to have the cure for you. Learn to see a relationship as a learning partnerships. When something that you don’t like happens, instead of accusing the other person, feel depressed or changing the partner look inside yourself. What do you need to learn from this? What’s the lesson? What do you need to change within you so that you won’t experience this kind of situation again?
When you change the way you look at your relationships, you’ll drop the unrealistic expectations. You’ll enjoy more the time you spend together. You will be happier and energized. Step by step, you’ll see your personal evolution reflected in the evolution of the relationship. You’ll get more secure and emotional stable. And eventually you can stop looking for things outside yourself to make you happy. And that’s the point where true LOVE starts. Something Disney didn’t tell you so far.
The society and culture sold us a big lie. It requires a lot of courage to go against the stream. Start to see relationships as they are not as you wish them to be.
Having a partner it’s an amazing thing. Just don’t expect for him/her to solve your struggles. It will never happen.
Start looking for the things you’re after inside of you. And when you find them they will flow into your relationships as well. Just try and see for yourself.
“And they grew together happily ever after.”
P.S.: Now that you finished this stupid article go search for that perfect partner!